Here’s How Divorced Parents Can Ease Their Lives
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs that we will undertake in our life time. Our children are exposed to so many things through the media, internet, peers and cell phone access that it is very difficult to keep tract of what our children are doing and what information they have access to. This task is even more difficult for divorced parents.
When children live in more than one household it takes good communications to keep tract of what they are doing. Divorced parents need to be aware of what the children are allowed to do and access in each other’s homes. This can be accomplished through direct communication. A huge mistake that many divorced parents make is trying to communicate through the children. This is a mistake for several reasons. The main reason is that it places the children in the middle. It also pressures a child to be able to deliver a message word for word, which studies have shown most adults cannot do. Another reason why trying to communication through the children is ineffective is that it allows room for the child to manipulate the messages, which can result in misdirected anger. Most people do not like the role of playing messenger between two people. The messenger is often in the position of being exposed to the person’s reaction to the message. Divorced parents forget that most time the children want to be left out of the emotional baggage that may exist between them. The children need to feel that they are permitted to love both of their parents. Having to hear responses about messages they are delivering may make this difficult.
If divorced parents are able to agree to put their differences aside when they are dealing with parenting issues, things can run much smoother. If the children know that their divorced parents are openly communicating about the activities of the children, they will feel more secure. This will also greatly decrease the ability of the children to manipulate their divorced parents. Studies have shown that children crave having a set routine. It is comforting for them to know what is in store for them, especially during the school year, when they are also faced with learning and peer issues. Through good communications children can have this routine, even if their time is divided between two households.
Due to the high rate of divorce there are services and support systems in most communities for divorced parents. These services include support groups as well as counseling and literature. Some communities also include support groups for the children of divorced families. Most of these services are available free of charge or for a very minimal fee. Having a support group gives the parents a place to vent without putting their children in the middle.
2 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
[…] Divorced parents have a tough time bringing up their children, particularly if they are teenagers. But there are ways of making lives easier. To know more about what divorced parents could do, read the article “Here’s How Divorced Parents Can Ease Their Lives“. […]
Pingback by Here’s How Divorced Parents Can Ease Their Lives Family Parenting Kids — October 10, 2006 @ 5:49 am
If you’re worried about Christmas this year because of family problems, such as divorce, not-for-profit legal rights and info website Advicenow.org.uk has advice about using family mediation to discuss and solve issues like arrangements for seeing your children and sorting out finances. They’re currently running a web poll to see how much of a worry Christmas can be for parents - you can respond and give your comments here: http://www.advicenow.org.uk/go/familymediation/index.html
Comment by Advicenow — November 15, 2006 @ 12:27 pm